The First Post

This blog was inspired by conversations I've had with close friends and relatives over the last couple of years. On the surface, I'm a 28 year old with a wife and a son...I live in suburbia with two dogs and everything is perfect. Sound cliche yet? It gets worse....I've struggled over the years with self-destroying tendencies, numerous selfish decisions, and a constant feeling that there is something more I'm suppose to be doing with my life..I intend to cover some of these topics, through detailed blog posts, and hope to encourage a dialogue with others dealing with the same issues....I'm aware this will draw scrutiny, and some people with use these thoughts and feelings against me for whatever reason...I'm OK with that and let me tell you why: I've lived too long worrying about what others think of me instead of what I could be doing for others and myself...I grew up christian...at 19 I fell hard into some bad tendencies (drinking, smoking, cursing and the like) and had a bad following...This sounds like a normal young adult situation that most go through right? Wrong. I wasn't suppose to be like this...I had a strong foundation in Christian Morales that always scraped at my insides...Before I knew it, I had lost faith in God, the Church, and Christians in general... I wanted to live the way I wanted to live without judgment. I looked at all situations logically and decided that religion posed more questions than answers...I did this for years..Then something happened...My baby boy Luke was born on July 7th of 2010.  Let me explain something to you, reader...A human being is so carefully constructed, with every blood vessel, every muscle, every nerve, in the right place functioning in only one way that could sustain life...I saw this little boy contradiction, held him in my arms...I felt my entire logic and internal framework being destroyed like a home to a fire....This fire, this flame that I felt wasn't new..I was aware of it before..But it was bigger....brighter...hotter than I've ever felt before...I had came to a epiphany..I was wrong...about everything..I knew God existed in that very moment and could not be moved from it....Now, with the back story over, let me explain the purpose of this blog. This fire was so damaging to my ideas, my thoughts, my heart that I was relegated to ashes...I've since been fighting to rebuild, on  a strong foundation, my faith and my purpose...I've relapsed of course..My main issue is confronting what a "Christian" should be. Is it OK to drink from time to time...is it OK to smoke a cigar...is swearing really wrong if there isn't an intent to hurt...how to battle lust and jealousy...ANGER and forgiveness...I want to have a real forum, where these issues can be discussed, without fear of judgement from people who are suppose to share my love for God. I want to be able to ask questions that push the boundaries of what the Christian mold is..I want to put an exclamation point on how we all differ in these areas, but are all still brothers and sisters trying to accomplish the same things.. I will have a series of posts, about different topics, exploring all of these things, and I hope that it will be comforting, interesting, and informative to all involved.. God Bless- Josh