The Father's Day Post

 

This Father's Day has brought up a lot of feelings and emotions that I don't normally think about on this holiday. If we are all being honest, Father's Day is usually a second hand holiday that most people don't care a lot about, or celebrate because they feel guilty that Mom got a day. Moms usually take most of the adoration, and rightfully so, but I do feel that Dad can go under appreciated most of the time. Dad is always there, but usually in the background, keeping things going and trying to provide a good life for the family. Typically, Dad isn't the emotional support machine that Mom is, and this leads to a stronger feeling of connectedness to her. I think most people take Dad for granted because I know that I did. If you read this blog regularly, you already know the regrets and feelings I have for my, now deceased, father. I will not bother you with this again, but it ties in nicely to this opening paragraph and what I'm trying to convey to you. Give your dad a hug this Father's Day and really let him know how much you truly love him because, as cliche as it is, you may not get the chance to next year. I won't get to experience Father's Day with him tomorrow, but you may be able to with your dad, so enjoy every single second of it.
Changing aspects, I, as you know, am a father of two now. I think about them the absolute majority of my day, everyday. When I became a dad, I truly didn't know what it meant. I was worried, sure, but I never thought I could love someone as much as I do my children. Everyone says this, for the most part, but I feel a carnal fear and anxiety, that goes with eternal love. I worry that my mistakes will hurt them now and in the future. I fear that I might do something to stunt their growth, in any measure. When I'm tired and out of patience, I get cold and I feel horrible about it. Maybe my son wants to through the baseball, but I cannot (or will not) muster the strength to do it and I can see the disappointment in his eyes. This kills me. It seems little, maybe even insignificant, but every time my children feel anything other than happiness I feel as if I have let them down personally. This is true love. Knowing that you will fail at times, but still trying as hard as you can just to make someone happy is what love is all about. When my son hugs me, and I can feel him clench the back of my shirt with his tiny hands as if he isn't sure he'll ever get to hold me again, it can destroy every single thought and worry I have about anything else in this world.
I just read a novel called "The Road" by Cormac Mccarthy, and subsequently, watched the movie. If you have a son, this is a book I would absolutely recommend. Without going to deep into it, father and son are trying to keep alive, years after some type of apocalyptic event occurred. There is no food. No animals. People have turned into cannibals and the world is completely covered in ash and hopelessness. This father does everything he can possibly do, for years, to keep his son alive at any cost. His son is scared and helpless, but dad presses on trying to keep hope alive in this dead world. This book made me cry. I can't imagine having to go through something like this with my son, but I would handle it accordingly. I would do anything necessary to provide for my son in a situation like that, or any, for that matter.
You see, I use to think that Father's Day was a day for others to thank their dads for being their dads. For the most part, it is about appreciation for the dads around the world who do what they can for their families. But I've had a deeper realization: Father's Day is a day to thank God and be grateful for the BLESSING that is being a father. I feel so fortunate just to be able to look at my kids sleeping, to watch them do anything. I don't need to be appreciated for doing something I love doing with my entire heart, and nothing less. I feel the need to praise the Lord and recognize my blessing as being one of the greatest blessing that could be bestowed upon us humans.
I love you Luke Jameson and Emery Claire. My heart is nothing without your blood running through my veins. My brain is garbage without your thoughts and memories to be remembered. You two are my soul, and absolute proof that God exists, and He is good.