Proof that I kinda suck at this blog thing.

Sometimes I get frustrated when it comes to this blog. Honestly, I want people to read it, relate to it, and discuss it with each other. While I know this is a hard thing to request, given the busy nature of our lives, I felt that I could accomplish it to some degree. I've failed though, and I would be lying to say it's not disheartening at times. I spend a lot of time and effort into articulating my opinions and thoughts in the best way possible, as to reach as many as I can, in hopes of bringing all types of believers into the same room. This doesn't work, though, as most people are so set into their own ideas and just butt heads or ignore the issue altogether.

I admit that I look at the statistics of the website from time to time to see the views and such, with the hope of heavier readership each time. In doing so, I have come to a few realizations that I would like to share with you guys. First, this blog is well over 2000 views, and for that I am appreciative. Second, I care too much about how many views this blog has, and it's caused me to miss the mark on what I've truly set out to do, which is to be honest and real. I think this is indicative of human nature. We all want our opinions to matter to others, maybe even help shape their own. We, well most of us, want to feel like we are contributing something good to this diseased world.

You see, this is where I've missed the mark. I have a ton of honest and real opinions on my faith, this world, and more, but I censor myself for various reasons. Whether it is due to family judgement, or a greater fear of people misunderstanding my heart, I scale back my true feelings on some topics, even omitting them from this blog entirely. Why? It is my blog, right? We care so much about what others think about us. This, though, has been a disservice to you guys, this forum, and most of all, myself. I started this blog, as I've stated multiple times, as a place to discuss the hard issues, and non-issues, in Christianity and in live in general. I wanted to give alternative input and ideas that show that not all Christians are judgmental, selfish, misguided people. I built the foundation for such a place, but then failed myself when I worried selfishly about being judged and labeled misguided.

I've been known to stir the pot with my thoughts on certain subjects. The truth is, there is so much more to me and my faith that no one sees, and that is my fault. I should be posting more of those types of thoughts, instead of shying away from people, notably, my family. So, I'm faced with a decision as to what to do with this blog going forward. I could stop writing, fade into the back ground and just shake my head in quite protest when I disagree with someones take on God and how to live our lives. I could do the opposite, and post with completely no concern as to what others may think.

I usually think the most about taking the easy way out and putting an end to this blog. Interestingly enough, though, something usually occurs that pushes me in the other direction. Mostly, it's interactions with everyday people that influence my thoughts here. I see so many people, with the most superficial understanding of God and life, making the most bold and absurd statements, chastising and isolating others for feeling differently than they do. I see the hate that the everyday church has for people that don't put money into their collection plates every Sunday. I see how a lot of Christians focus on bogus stuff that doesn't matter in the long run. Instead of growing in our love for each other, and our Father, we would rather discuss stupid stuff like how swearing and drinking are terrible. Look, I came to one of the clearest revelations in my life, holding a beer and having the simplest of conversations with a few guys. People want to harp on these meaningless, trivial things, when people are truly hurting out there, you know, in the real world. I would venture to say that none of this crap matters, that in the great scheme of things, all that matters is our love and relationship with God. This is what typically keeps me motivated to carry on. I want people to know that not all Christians are narrow-minded, selfish, intellectually inferior sheep. Some of us think for ourselves. We reach out to God on our own accord, not because we are told that we should. I don't need the Bible, The Book of Mormon, or the church at all to tell me that there is a God and how I should live. I believe one of the most famous contributors to the Bible stated that there isn't an excuse to not know God exists. Open your eyes, it's all around us. This is my foundation.

Will I continue this blog? I'm not sure. Maybe my point of view is best reserved for private conversations with other like-minded people. Maybe I'll come back on here tomorrow and post more openly, without fear of judgment. I just want to make sure I'm true to my beliefs and purpose, and continue or not for the right reason. I'll pray and search for the answer, but in the interim, I hope you guys know I love you, and I'm still here to talk whenever needed.