Two Sucky Days of Failure

Friday and Saturday were tough days for me. The feeling of lost progress was staggering. The realization that I couldn't make it from one post to another without being a hypocrite was unsettling. I'm going to go in chronological order, starting on Friday morning, and detail some events that prove the fight is never over. Two particular themes run through both days, mostly twisted together, but all leading to the same epiphany: You can never let your guard down and you always can do better than what your doing. Hate/anger and impatience are killers that I didn't even know I had an issue with until now.

Friday
I got up, got ready, went to work. This was like any other day for me, up early and working hard, as usual. When I got there, I found out that someone had been hired on permanently. This isn't unusual, but this particular person wasn't expected to get hired over a lot of other guys, including me. He had been there for a few years, but isn't the kind of guy I would personally hire, not to mention he was next to last in quality in the entire area. Most people were upset, but I was conflicted. I wanted to be happy for him, I really did. I know his life had just changed for the better and his family was going to be so proud. Trying to take my own medicine, I wanted to love my neighbor, regardless of the circumstances. I couldn't though. There were more qualified candidates (in my eyes at least), and it was discouraging for those of us who work extremely hard, and have few issues with quality. I hated the company for making this decision. I was jealous and angry of the guy that got hired. I was impatient with all this waiting around and never getting anywhere. I felt like I was sinking into despair. The day was long, and I thought about my want to be happy for him, and my desire to scream at everyone. I got home, took a shower, and ate dinner. I got on the computer and noticed a post from my friend on Facebook. The question asked was something to the effect of " To all my atheist friends, how do you explain the origin of the universe?." In my not so distant past, I loved to get involved in a good debate, but it almost always ended badly. Anger and tempers flared, feeling were hurt, people hated each other. I just waited and read the comments. A gentleman, self-proclaimed apatheist, had quite a bit to say about the subject. I didn't really have a problem with what he was saying, just his approach in dealing with others in the forum. He couldn't state his own point without discounting and discrediting the opposition (Christianity). According to him, he had it all figured out. String Theory, M Theory, Big Bang Theory....these were factual to him, regardless if they are blatantly regarded as elaborate guesses. Science is king, not God. He uses big words and useless information to try to confuse and make others feel as if they may be wrong about their opinion. I hate this approach. To be clear, I hate it when Christians do this as well. I got involved in the conversation, which eventually let to disrespecting blow after blow between us. By the time I got done, I wanted to punch this guy in the throat. I didn't even know him, but I hated him. Convenient huh? How often do we ignore our own advice and what we know is right, when it isn't convenient for us. Again, in the same day, I wasn't loving thy neighbor, and I wasn't showing patience like I should. Regardless if I should have got involved in the first place, I shouldn't have been so abrasive as he certainly wouldn't listen to anything I have to say about God now. I hurt my witness and someones perception of me. I couldn't get to sleep thinking about it, and had to work on Saturday for overtime on three hours of sleep. Hate and Impatience had gotten me nothing but a headache and no sleep.

Saturday
As stated, I had to work Saturday, much to my chagrin. With no sleep, and 40 hours already under my belt, I was exhausted and annoyed. To make matters worse, it was my fathers first birthday after passing away last year. I was missing out on spending time with my family and friends, remembering him, and taking comfort in their company. Once again, I hated my work for taking away yet another Saturday of my life, and an important one at that. With all the thoughts of the previous day swirling in my head, I had little to no time to grieve and remember my dad. This added to my feelings of anger and hate. The day was long and brutal, but eventually I got to go see my family. Two days of my life I let slip away being angry and upset with things that I shouldn't have ever let bother me. I felt like I had lost all progress I had made in the last few months.

My wife brought up a good point Saturday night that put things into perspective. A year ago, I would have just got pissed off and let everyone know about it. I would have yelled and screamed, cursed and ranted until every one knew how upset I was. What's worse is that I wouldn't have felt bad about it or even thought about my actions again after it passed. She mentioned to me that at least I was aware of what I was doing. I knew it wasn't right and there was a conflict going on inside of me that I wasn't use to. I had slipped up, made a few mistakes, but I had not lost what I had gained over the last year: Strength to carry on and defeat my failures. While my patience could use some work, it is leaps and bound better than it use to be, and getting better every day. I may not always like my neighbor, but I really can say that I don't hate them. I let all of this go, prayed about it, and moved on.

Sunday, Sarah, Luke and I went out to eat downtown, went to a baseball game, and got ice cream. It was a beautiful day. Thank you Lord for such a beautiful day with my family.

The Body-Guest post by Danny

Hey guys, this post is by my good friend Danny, and I encourage you to take a look and tell us what you think. Remember, I'm all about keeping the conversation open, and though we may not all agree, it's refreshing to see such a great article! read on...

 

The Body

Can a hand grasp tools apart from the body?

Can a leg move forward separated from its body?

Can a face hear, see, taste, or smell without the body?

 

Only in science fiction can the answer be yes. And the body of Christ, that is all people that profess a relationship with Jesus, is no different. This is what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:

 

1 Corinthians 12:12-31 MSG

 

You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it. But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair? The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. You are Christ's body—that's who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. You're familiar with some of the parts that God has formed in his church, which is his "body": apostles prophets teachers miracle workers healers helpers organizers those who pray in tongues. But it's obvious by now, isn't it, that Christ's church is a complete Body and not a gigantic, unidimensional Part? It's not all Apostle, not all Prophet, not all Miracle Worker, not all Healer, not all Prayer in Tongues, not all Interpreter of Tongues. And yet some of you keep competing for so-called "important" parts. But now I want to lay out a far better way for you.

 

Most use this passage as an argument for being part of a church, getting involved with corporate worship on a regular basis. And not for a second would I deem that argument as wrong or invalid. But, the reason I'm quoting from The Message version, is the way it emphasizes our individual importance as members of the body. We are all unique and different, but equally necessary for proper functioning and that's not just limited to the inside of the four walls surrounding you while you worship on Sundays (or whichever day you do).

 

You see, the impetus for writing about the body of believers was my realization this morning about just how spiritually draining the workplace can be. It's something I've heard before, but not something I've fully realized. It hasn't changed my ethos, or caused me to doubt the veracity of God's Word, but it has caused me to be more pessimistic, to be a little more loose in the tongue, to focus on negativity and learning how to be selfish and proud instead of humble and self-sacrificing.

 

Can you see the connection yet? Would it surprise you to know that I'm in church very nearly every Sunday, and that I'm involved with the video ministry team, directing a 2 man camera crew at least once a month? If you answered "no", then you're already way ahead of me. See, I never cut myself off from the church, thinking too often that it was enough to fulfill my needs as a part of the body. And yet, here I am, writing about my realization that there is more to it than that; that life has caused a slow erosion of my spiritual self because I'm not actively holding on to and engaging with fellow believers on a regular basis.

 

Today, I feel much more like my old self. After a full week away from those sources of spiritual erosion, I feel optimistic again, even happy, despite a lack of change in my circumstances. And it occurs to me, that I need to guard against thay erosion by embracing the body even more tightly.

Gay marriage and our call to love one another

This isn't going to be a popular post, especially among my Christian friends. Let me start by giving my position on the topic of gay marriage: It's wrong to be gay, and in the Biblical aspect it's wrong for gays to get married. Homosexuality is a sin. Flat out, no ands ifs or buts about it. I personally find it to be disgusting. Now let me get to the heart of why I'm writing this post: We, as Christians, are suppose to love everyone. I'm going to go into detail about a few concerns I have about this topic, and what I feel Christians are missing. I will also say, my opinion on this has changed drastically over the last year.
First, let's deal with the political nature of the issue. Most Christians, by either moral or fiscal reasons, usually identify with Conservative/Republican parties. In politics, people like to agree with some things, then disagree with other points within the same structure. This comes to mind when you look at religious freedom in this country. People do not have to agree with us on religion. Heck, they may be the complete opposite of us on every issue. Does this mean they should be treated differently? No. If someone is gay, we may not agree with it, but it's not our choice. We can witness to them, talk to them about our concerns, but ultimately, they do not have to side with us. This difference in opinion shouldn't keep them from having the same rights as us, this is America people. Atheist, satanist, and Christians all live around each other, and none trump the other as far as being an American citizen. Marriage to some people, is just the unity of two people who love each other, and has nothing to do with religion. I know this is difficult to hear, but WE DON'T CONTROL EVERY ONE'S CHOICES. If a gay couple want a piece of paper to give them the same benefits (Health care, POA) I have no problem with this. They are not saying they are married in the Biblical sense anyways.
We are called to love thy neighbor, When did it become OK to judge/hate others due to the way they sin? Most Christians believe that all sin is equal. If this is the case, Homosexuals are no different than us, so how can we judge them with such harshness? You don't have to agree with someone to respect and love them. This is what we should be doing. You can witness and spread the Holy Word without disparaging and ridiculing the very people to which you are hoping to reach. Do you want "Joe" not to be able to get health care just because he is gay? Where's your compassion? This is a hard concept to grasp, I know, I deal with it constantly. I use to be completely against anything about homosexuality. I still disagree with it, I just think we forget to show love in the way that we should.

Sin is sin. We are all guilty. We are blessed to have a loving and merciful God. It's time that we stand together and stop being so divisive. You and I are not the Judge or the Jury, we are all children of the same Father.

Tiny Hearts and The Savage

Let's get to the absolute basics in this post: The right to live. I've seen multiple posts on Facebook and around the web on this in the last few days and have decided to write about it. Abortion is wrapped into politics and religion, and I intend to explain that it is wrong in ANY circumstance. I know some people will not like what I'm about to say, as I feel strongly about it, so please read on with caution. Usually there is three reasons for abortion: Inconvenience, medical abnormalities, or rape.

Inconvenience....this is tough to talk about because I can get really emotional about it. Politically speaking, women should have the choice in what goes on in their body and such. Obviously, this is a vote getter for liberals, making sure they lock in the women rights groups. Religiously, abortion is frowned upon due to it being the murder of a child. These are very opposite view points, but as I am a Christian, I will go with that aspect. I get it. You are a teenager and you don't want to deal with this...it was an accident...you're just 15, have your whole life ahead of you right? GET OVER IT. Mistakes happen, but let me assure you that human life and creation is not one. This is God's work. A child shouldn't be murdered because you don't want to deal with it right now, or because you don't like the guy who got you pregnant. You do not have the RIGHT to decide whether or not you should have to "pay for the mistakes you've made." Don't have sex if you are worried about this...It's that simple.

OK, so you've had an ultrasound and they are saying there is a chance of some serious medical conditions..It would be easier (and cheaper, too) just to abort and try again later, right? Good grief...When did we start killing people because of this? Chances are just that, chances...They could overcome it, and go on to live a normal life....Even if this is not the case, the amount of time they are here with you and the amount of love given would be invaluable! These things happen for a reason. Maybe it's spiritual growth. Maybe it's learning to love everyone, in all circumstances. "5 years of testing and hospital visits is just torture on the child, I would never do that to them." This isn't about the child...THEY WILL LOVE YOU REGARDLESS. This is about point number one, which is that it's an inconvenience to YOU. You are worried about your well being. It's hard, but not an excuse for abortion. You can find others who have/are dealing with this to help you, or better yet, call on the Lord for peace and resolve.

Rape is a despicable crime. I'm not about turning the victim into a suspect, but hear me out: It's still not OK to abort the child! The child is a constant reminder of the extremely personal, disgusting person who impregnated you. The 9 months of medical bills don't help either. This situation will test your walk with God more than anything, I think. This happened for a reason, and you have choices: Abort, have and keep, or put up for adoption.  Let's look at the last two. Just because the child was a product of rape, doesn't make them any less of a human being. After having the baby, you could find out that you still love it and care for it nonetheless. You could give it to a family who cannot have a child, blessing them for a life time. Either way, the child lives and gets to experience life and love. This is amazing. Because of your sacrifice, a flower blooms out of the ashes! Love is powerful. It shapes our decision, it helps us make the difficult choices. Abortion in this situation does nothing but get rid of the pain that another has caused you. I know this sounds unsympathetic, but this child's life is more important that your emotions. If you surround yourself with good, loving people, and lean on God you can get through this, and be better for it!

Let me close with something that will blow your mind. Think about if your parents were to come to you today and tell you that you were the result of a rape (your father is not your father). Let that sink in for a moment. Would that nullify all that you have accomplished? Would that change all of the things you have experienced? Would that change the love you have for your family or God? Because of your mother's unselfish ways and great sacrifice, you are here, enjoying the world! If you were aborted, think of what you would have missed: playtime at the park....snuggling with your mom when you were sick....first day of school...your first kiss.....sunsets...springtime in the south...your marriage day....the birth of YOUR first child.....This should bring a tearful realization to you. This is important stuff! If you have had an abortion, God still loves you...I pray for you, because I couldn't deal with the pain of knowing that I have killed an innocent child.

A Conversation With My Demon

I'm worth more than this. You're nothing. What have I done to deserve this punishment? You don't deserve anything but pain and suffering. Why can't I shake this self doubt? What have you accomplished? What value are you to this world? I made progress today! You still failed, multiple times, with great ease. Why do these temptations get the best of me? You're guard is quickly penetrated and the very fact that you think you can defeat this is laughable. I love my family and friends, they are always there for me. You're alone, everyone is too busy for you and your issues. I want to share my faith with the world. You are no example to anyone! Your constant short comings show you for who you really are! But I'm a good person, I am. You are disgusting, vile, repulsive. I try to be a great father. Your children could do better. You have already let them down. It's been a while since I've had a drink. You should drown in the fact that alcohol ever had a grip on you, weak! I'm stronger than I once was! You are easily defeated! Your wife could be with a someone who is twice the man that you are! You work a meaningless job with average pay! Oh, the mistakes you've made are too numerous to count! No grace can find you in this dark place. You've drifted to depths unseen, too far gone for an outstretched hand! Why bother trying? Accept the fact that you will make absolutely no mark on anything! You worry about your happiness when others are starving and dying.. Selfish is what you are! Accept that your sins define you, that you deserve nothing short of separation from everything that you love and hold dear. My name is Darkness, and rest assured I will always be behind every moment of your life, waiting to consume you at your weakest hour! ::::Silence:::: I am made in His image. I was born to love. I'm flawed, but my flaws do not define me, my perseverance does! I'm a battle tested warrior. When I fall, I stand again. You cannot defeat me, I'm FEARLESS. Darkness always gives way to the Light. Through Grace and Mercy, I take up arms with the Undefeated One. The Creator of all things. Oh Lord, your love prevails!

The Bible on History, thoughts

I'm doing a short post today just to give some quick thoughts on History Channel's The Bible. Let me start off by saying that I am not a Biblical Scholar and these are just my opinions. When I saw that they were doing this miniseries, I was excited as it gave me a chance to revisit these stories in amazing HD and modern technology. I read interviews with the producer (who also did Survivor among other things) and he made it clear that he wanted to be as accurate as possible. He stated that he consulted Biblical Scholars and historians, and while he could not tell every story, he wanted to tell the important ones in detail. On the face of it, this show looks wonderful. Graphics are great, big budget type of stuff, but this was to be expected. At times, the acting is OK. I find that about 80 percent of the time, the acting is awful making Christians almost seem crazy and delusional. Chants of "FOR ISRAEL!" and "GOD IS WITH US" in every excursion and situation are almost unbearable. This seems strange to me, that with such a big budget, they couldn't afford better actors. I was bored to tears watching Samson and most of the entire second episode. These are all just secondary complaints, however, because there is something more important that bothers me here.  Accuracy. Let's be honest, the Bible can be interpreted in different ways, this is obvious. My problem is the blatant omission of certain things from almost every story. Things that are in plain text in the Bible, things that are relevant, removed or omitted for one reason or another. Why not mention why the Angels were being followed in Sodom? Afraid of offending the LGBT community? The possibility of offending someone shouldn't allow the producers to distort the story, this causes them to lose credibility with me from the first episode. Other things such as Moses's appearance not changing after seeing God (as well as not being asked to remove his shoes, being on Holy Ground) are brought to mind. This all leads me to one opinion, this is about ratings and money. I'm sorry, I know some of you are going to be upset with this, but it's just how I feel...can you go 10 minutes in the show without seeing a blurb at the bottom of when you can buy this on DVD and Blu-ray? They even made books that are suppose to be study guides to go with the show, which you can also buy. I'm glad that they did the show, and maybe it will reach someone, as I hope it will. The bones of the stories are there, and it can be entertaining at points, and I believe that anyone can get something from it. I just feel that, given this great opportunity, it could have been done better. Just because it is about the Bible, doesn't mean I can't disagree with people who say it's the greatest show ever.

When worms ate holes through my brain

 

So does the thought of worms eating brain meat bother you? You may not want to read the rest of this post if disgusting stuff makes you sick. Something that has been on my mind for the last few days is lust. Lust can be difficult to deal with because it can be as simple as a glance in at the mall to the most extreme cases of sexual conduct. Most people struggle with this in some form or fashion, and let's be clear, it's a sin to be sure. Glancing at a girl as she walks by and thinking something sexual is just as bad as looking at porn. This is dangerous because lust is insidious and can cause damage to your relationships, your emotions, and your walk with God, and you may not even realize it. It's nasty and can become an addiction of sorts. I've been there (as most guys have been at some point) and it is a really hard habit to quit, especially getting rid of fleeting thoughts when just seeing people in public. Online porn has made this issue even worse in the last 10 years for people. When the tempation is so strong and it's so easy to satisfy it, why not, right? Some people do this daily. It's like a disease to them. Online is free and can be done in the privacy of your own home. Just satisfy the want and deal with the guilt later. Porn is the worst form of lust that I can think of. God made us beautiful, but not to be looked at and desired like vultures to a rotting corpse. The problem is that if you are not in a good place spiritually, you have almost no reason to care about the consequences...This ruins marriages people....This ruins families..THIS IS SERIOUS. The answer is extremely easy and I couldn't believe it when I figured it out: LOVE.. There are three facets to this solution. First, the true and undying love of God should be enough to fill any void that might eat its way into your brain and heart. Secondly, if you are lucky enough to find someone to share your life with, that love should satisfy! Finally, I believe it's the love of your fellow brother and sisters of this world...That love should lead you to not want to disgrace them and to show the type of respect for them as if they were your own family. I found my true love, married her, and now have the perspective that I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her...She's the only sexy lady that I want to know. My love for her trumps any sinful desire that may arise in the form of a lusty temptation. While I know that not everyone has found their love in someone else, it can be found in God. Be happy with your Walk, yourself, and your life and you can destroy these temptations with an ease that may surprise you! I know Christians don't like to talk about this topic. I went to a service at (church not to be named) and the speaker talked on this topic...He talked about his personal struggle with pornography. The crowd was silent. The tention in the room was thick. People were shaking their heads. All this guy was doing was being honest, but his own church didn't want to hear it. We have got to start talking to each other. Life isn't scripted like a contempary Christian song. We need to be able to share our struggles with each other without be judged for it. We should want to help each other through tough times. I'm always here for any of you. I'm an extremely flawed person, but I won't look down on you if you can do the same for me. Lust is just one sin, among others, that we can defeat together with the help of God's Grace and Mercy.