The Father's Day Post

 

This Father's Day has brought up a lot of feelings and emotions that I don't normally think about on this holiday. If we are all being honest, Father's Day is usually a second hand holiday that most people don't care a lot about, or celebrate because they feel guilty that Mom got a day. Moms usually take most of the adoration, and rightfully so, but I do feel that Dad can go under appreciated most of the time. Dad is always there, but usually in the background, keeping things going and trying to provide a good life for the family. Typically, Dad isn't the emotional support machine that Mom is, and this leads to a stronger feeling of connectedness to her. I think most people take Dad for granted because I know that I did. If you read this blog regularly, you already know the regrets and feelings I have for my, now deceased, father. I will not bother you with this again, but it ties in nicely to this opening paragraph and what I'm trying to convey to you. Give your dad a hug this Father's Day and really let him know how much you truly love him because, as cliche as it is, you may not get the chance to next year. I won't get to experience Father's Day with him tomorrow, but you may be able to with your dad, so enjoy every single second of it.
Changing aspects, I, as you know, am a father of two now. I think about them the absolute majority of my day, everyday. When I became a dad, I truly didn't know what it meant. I was worried, sure, but I never thought I could love someone as much as I do my children. Everyone says this, for the most part, but I feel a carnal fear and anxiety, that goes with eternal love. I worry that my mistakes will hurt them now and in the future. I fear that I might do something to stunt their growth, in any measure. When I'm tired and out of patience, I get cold and I feel horrible about it. Maybe my son wants to through the baseball, but I cannot (or will not) muster the strength to do it and I can see the disappointment in his eyes. This kills me. It seems little, maybe even insignificant, but every time my children feel anything other than happiness I feel as if I have let them down personally. This is true love. Knowing that you will fail at times, but still trying as hard as you can just to make someone happy is what love is all about. When my son hugs me, and I can feel him clench the back of my shirt with his tiny hands as if he isn't sure he'll ever get to hold me again, it can destroy every single thought and worry I have about anything else in this world.
I just read a novel called "The Road" by Cormac Mccarthy, and subsequently, watched the movie. If you have a son, this is a book I would absolutely recommend. Without going to deep into it, father and son are trying to keep alive, years after some type of apocalyptic event occurred. There is no food. No animals. People have turned into cannibals and the world is completely covered in ash and hopelessness. This father does everything he can possibly do, for years, to keep his son alive at any cost. His son is scared and helpless, but dad presses on trying to keep hope alive in this dead world. This book made me cry. I can't imagine having to go through something like this with my son, but I would handle it accordingly. I would do anything necessary to provide for my son in a situation like that, or any, for that matter.
You see, I use to think that Father's Day was a day for others to thank their dads for being their dads. For the most part, it is about appreciation for the dads around the world who do what they can for their families. But I've had a deeper realization: Father's Day is a day to thank God and be grateful for the BLESSING that is being a father. I feel so fortunate just to be able to look at my kids sleeping, to watch them do anything. I don't need to be appreciated for doing something I love doing with my entire heart, and nothing less. I feel the need to praise the Lord and recognize my blessing as being one of the greatest blessing that could be bestowed upon us humans.
I love you Luke Jameson and Emery Claire. My heart is nothing without your blood running through my veins. My brain is garbage without your thoughts and memories to be remembered. You two are my soul, and absolute proof that God exists, and He is good.

1K+ views here at The Fire, The Flames. Thanks!

Thought I would let you guys know that this blog now has well over 1000 hits. I didn't really think that it would take off like it has, but I appreciate all of you guys that are reading this. I know to some people/bloggers 1000+ views isn't a big deal, but considering the topics discussed here, I feel it to be a success. So, again, thank you guys for being with me on this trip of self exploration and soul seeking.

Since starting this blog, I have had beautiful daughter brought into this world, Emery Claire. I have also been hired on permanently at my employer, receiving better pay and benefits, among other things. My favorite CD has been Haste the Day's "Attack of the Wolf King," from which I have drawn a ton of inspiration from. I have also found major inspiration from The Un-learning blog from the guys from Emery. Conversations with friends have also played a huge role in the search for answers, and how to deal with them once they are uncovered.

We are all blessed. We are all loved. We are all children of the same Father.
**EDIT** Just to let you guys know, United States leads the way in readership, but amazingly, Russia and Germany are way up there in the number of hits as well. It boggles my mind that you guys are reading this in other countries ( Pakistan, United Kingdom, and others). Rock on!***
God Bless,
Josh

When The Debate turns into an Issue

I'm guilty. I like to have a good debate with others, about varying topics and issues. I think this is normal and most people like challenging others to prove their views. I, personally, find out a lot about my own feelings when I'm put to the test in backing them up in a debate. Usually, you can find out what people are truly passionate about in their defense of it in an argument. People aren't going to typically give a lot of effort or time into debating topics they don't care about. I do my absolute best to respect the opinions of others. I find myself giving major props to those who defend their viewpoint adamantly, whether I believe it is right or wrong. If you cannot show a person why you believe in what you believe in, chances are that it's not that big of a deal to you.

Now, let us take a look as to what can happen when we do not keep our pride in check. I'm going to concentrate on issues that cannot be definitively described as right or wrong; Subjective to the person, if you will. Most people debate things based on opinions. Things that are blatant facts typically aren't discussed because they are mostly proven one way or the other. If we are debating an opinion, why do we dress them as facts? Think about this. Is it really because you are so smart that you know your opinion to be factual, regardless that it hasn't been proven that way by experts? I feel that is more likely that we are so abrasive with our opinions because we like to put others down. We want to know that we are right and someone else is wrong. This, in a way, proves our self worth. In order for us to be right, someone else has to be wrong. This means we have it figured out. We are smarter, and our ways are justified because of this.

This is pride at it's finest. We don't want to accept that we could be wrong about something so we cram our own opinions, even if we know they aren't right, down others throats just so we can save face. You may hurt them, or even convince them they are wrong, just so that you can be right about something. This isn't just mean, it's a classic case of not respecting and loving thy neighbor. You are intentionally trying to hurt someone, by proving them wrong and making them question their own heart. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to not express your opinion or defend it to the death if you truly feel that it is wrong. My point is this: Express it as your feelings or opinion, in a respectful way, as to not hurt others in the process. Let me give you some example of some issues I hear tossed around and what I'm trying to say about debating them.

Homeschooling
A. Homeschooling is just wrong. It deprives kids of social skills and blinds them to the real world.
B. Homeschooling is the only way. Public schools are awful and you are a bad parent if you put your kids through that.
Opinions that can be hurtful to others, but unnecessarily so. Think about it. A debate can be had here. Just say this:
A. I feel that homeschooling is not the answer for my kids. I feel they will blossom more in a social environment, such as our district school.
B. I feel that homeschooling is the way for my family. I like to be in control of what my kids learn and feel like it's less distracting than putting them in a school.
See the difference here?

Vaccines
A. Vaccines are horrible. Poison! They are putting chemicals in your body that are doing more harm than good. Only idiots would do this! Look at the Ingredients.
B. You are irresponsible if you don't vaccinate your children. You must like for them to suffer from sicknesses that are easily preventable. Only a fool wouldn't take care of their children.
Okay:
A. I've done research and feel that the ingredients used in vaccines may do more harm than good to my children.
B. I've done research and I feel that vaccines are an easy and effective way to prevent illnesses in my children.

I could give other examples, such as: Nutrition/Diet, Environmental issues, Politics, and Religion, but I feel you understand my point here.

See how replacing "Are"/"Isn't" with "Feel"/"May" changes the tone of the debate? You are truly discussing the issue at this point. These things are subjective, open your ears and listen for once! I've learned many things from debating others. Some times I change my perspective when I find an alternative answer to what I was seeking. This is a great way to learn and fellowship with others. Why ruin it with hate and pride?

Why Nature? Why God?

                                                 Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons (I do not own this photo)

I've been watching the news over the last few days and, of course, seen the footage on the tornado in Oklahoma. It is extremely sad when anyone is killed, but it always hits home for me when it involves children. I know what it is like to lose someone, but I won't pretend that I know how it feels to lose your own child. That is something that takes a good deal of resolve to get through and I can imagine it is brutal. I think about if my children were involved, what would I do? I would have probably been arrested for trying to dig through the rubble to find them. I would have been incoherent. I would have been so desperate for hope that, when I didn't find them, I would have spiraled out of control. See, I know that I put my family first over everything else, including God. This is something I have thought about a lot, but not something I can, or want to change. I love my family more than anything, just the thought of losing one of them makes me feel as if a shovel is ripping my insides out. My thoughts are with those who have been through these types of things. Frankly, if this happened to me, I'm not sure if I could make the decision to get up every day or to blow my brains out with my Sig 9mm. Just being honest people, as I'm not an advocate for suicide, but I'm not sure of what my mental frame would be at that point.

Why? Why do these things happen? Why do innocent children continuously get slaughtered in this world? These are complicated questions, to which I have a few suggested answers. I think there are three types of people/outlooks to take into consideration here: The "God is in control", the "We are free people of free will under God", and "Everything is random, there is no God."

God is in control. These things happen because of a greater plan, that only God can comprehend. This seems unfair to us, but it's not our place to question God, or his motives. Maybe God uses situations like this to remind us that life is short and precious. Get your life in order now because you may not have tomorrow to do so. Maybe it's to remind us of how much importance we put on things of this world, even life itself. Hard to swallow, huh?

We are free people, with free will, under God. God allows us to act and live according to how we see fit. We reap what we sow, and God doesn't punish people for making the "wrong" decisions. Due to this, mother nature is of the same ilk. Storms occur because God created the ability for storms to occur, but act independently of his control. This wouldn't be because God couldn't control them, it's because he chooses not to. Are you following this? God is an Overseer, but we make our own life and find our own meanings. Due to this freedom, it is more amazing when we come to have a personal relationship with God, as it is not pressed upon us. To liberal for you?

Finally, people who don't believe in God, don't really care why these things happen. They obviously don't believe a higher being created these storms to punish people. They don't even believe that this world was made by a creator. Everything is random. There is no reason. Weather sucks, but what can you do about it, right?

Most people think that God does things like this to punish or to teach people a lesson. Some people would even go so far as to say that because America has strayed so far from it's founding, that God is dishing out his wrath on us. I believe God is love. Take what you want from that. I believe that we are of free will, but I also believe God intervenes in some cases. I know, that's a contradiction. I haven't sorted it all out to be able to go fully in one direction or the other. What do you think? Why are our children being taken from us in such alarming numbers?

Thinking and Praying for strength and hope for those affected by these types of terrible events.

Checking In

I've had a lot going on in my life the last couple of weeks. I've been promoted from temp worker to permanent status at my job, which has been a long time coming. My wife and I also had our second child, Emery Claire, about a week and a half ago. Two major blessings in a very short time frame. It's easy to forget about life and reality when things are going well. I've actually had a HARDER time finding the energy and focus to even get on here and write.

Focus.

It seems like it is easier to fall back into old patterns and such when things are going well. Maybe it's the new sense of invincibility. God is on my side right, what can go wrong? This is a really dangerous place to get complacent in.  When things are going wrong, and your world is falling apart, you cling to hope and pray more vigilantly. I almost feel closer to God in the hard times, and I think this is because I'm in contact with him more often. When things are going well, however, I seem to stick to the "Thank you for the blessings" prayers, and move on with my life. There is nothing wrong with being thankful, and I am, trust me, but what I'm trying to say is that God already knows that. Think about being a parent. You don't want your children to just talk and be happy when you give them things. You want them to come to you anytime, anywhere, about anything, especially when important things are going on.  I want to be focused on the right path, regardless of my current situation. Even now, I am having a hard time articulating my point. Pray for me to keep on, with more passion than ever, with my whole heart and nothing less.

In the meantime, I found this blog post to be inspiring:
http://www.un-learning.org/jesus-losers/

"Release my pride to keep from pushing the Light aside"- Fit For a King -" Skin and Bones"

Confessions of a Recovering Religious Fanatic

This is about as real as it gets. This is another post from a friend of mine, Chris J. He details his pursuit of the "calling" from God, and where it has left him currently. What do you think? Was he called to be a minister? Is he still being called? Were signs misinterpreted? Or are there no signs to begin with and this "calling" stuff is just a figment of our imagination? Leave your thoughts here, on the blog, and he will gladly discuss this with you, as will I. Read on.

Josh thought I should share my experience in running from a so called "calling" that has pursued me through the lips of individuals from the day i was "born again"....until now. So, briefly, here it goes:
People all around me still look at me and see a grown man of 36 years old running from a calling God has placed on my life to be in the ministry to some extent. I have been coaxed by my Mom, hinted at from my in-laws, prayed and prophesied over by several preachers/pastors (one of which is world renown and on TV to this day), encouraged along by college friends and teachers, even mentored by an evangelist himself while in college - the very man who founded and mentored Michael W. Smith, and even by people I work with. Talk about some pressure huh? Does that mean I'm called? My upbringing is a long-winded story. I come from a broken home. Dad played church with my Mom growing up and has nothing to do with it beyond a belief in a "God upstairs". My Mom was a very committed Christian, into charismatic churches, prophecy, spiritual gifts, and everything that comes along with it. To this day, she clings to these mysteries and plays the role of so many Christians who wait on God in order for Him to do something in their lives and/or to change them or their circumstances. My upbringing was filled with chaos, fights, cheating, a Mom who gave explanation to all things that happen in life through the eyes of a God described in the Bible...and her own human understanding. Me being the older son in the house, was slobbered over and repeatedly put on a high pedestal....she praised me continually. I grew up thinking life was explained in these books she read, the God she believed in, and the church she attended. So I too began to read and look and pray just like Mom.
I was told she committed me to the "Lord", and that there was a special calling on my life. Almost as if to make herself feel better about her own miserable existence she was going through. If her son went into the ministry and did mighty things for God, there would be a reason for the hell she was going through with my Dad. To this day, she tells me that I have a calling, I am going to do something special for the Kingdom, that it is important to carry on the spiritual heritage (the mantle)of generations past.
I grew up continually searching, wandering, wondering what all that meant. I scooted through high school wondering what to do with my life. No direction, no aim. The only meaning I could find was the meaning I thought the church and the Bible could give me. I played that roll into Jr. College getting my Associates Degree, still searching. I ended up going to school for a Biblical Studies degree and turning my search for meaning, truth, and fulfillment into pursuing the ministry. Doing my Mom proud. Proving my past wrong.
Two and a half years into speaking at youth groups, traveling around the States, speaking in Hawaii, Malta, visiting/studying in Israel, leading youth groups and helping start a college ministry....I was miserable. Was this what I was called to do? I was trying to counsel and preach to youth not far removed from myself, acting (and believing at the time) that I had all the answers, and I was completely still searching and battling all these things myself. I would go out with friends and evangelize on the streets, and come home depressed because nothing in me wanted to be doing this. It was my duty as a minister, and as a Christian, so I did it anyway.
I see a need for God to be viewed with a pure heart. I desire to know this God apart from what others have told me. I see that the ancient beliefs of this tribal God that we have to wait on and watch for and put up with can destroy people's lives. My Mother is still in the same house I grew up in, drenched in the same religious drama I was raised on, and she hasn't gone anywhere in her personal life. It has kept her stagnant for 20 something years. That's not the God I see, or want to know.
I grieve for people who view a Deistic God, a God "upstairs" who placed demands on humanity apart from our own desires and wills. A God who is in control of everything is a dangerous God to believe in. So....am I called? I yearn for people from time to time to know the God that can fill hearts, open minds, and remove the scales from eyes. Does that equate to ministry?
My life is my family. My meaning is bringing meaning to them. My task is to make a living and a home and a standard of living for them. Shouldn't that be my true calling? People shouldn't look to other people for life, meaning, truth, and ultimately answers. People should look within themselves. To the divinity that they came from - God Himself. Life itself. I'm really not sure God calls people. Not sure if I ever really had a call. I had a desire.
Leaving this all behind is EXTREMELY difficult. With people still telling me from time to time about this "call" it gets me seriously confused. I get very inwardly depressed about the possibility of missing it. That's my shortened version of my story, and I'm sticking with it. I'm a recovering religious fanatic who still wonders about the "calling".

 

                              (I do not own this photo, was taken from Gerarddirect.com)

 

 

Dream On

I had an interesting dream last night. I normally wouldn't post a dream on my blog, but it left a lasting impression of a lesson learned. So here it is:

Blurry details lead in to me eating a not-to-pleasant substance. It was disgusting and not something I would ever normally do. I walk into a building, maybe someone's house, where a party is occurring. I am not married and there is quite a few attractive women in the room. This is normally a situation where I would thrive, as I am a social person. I start talking with a girl. She immediately notices a tattoo on my arm ( In the dream I have no other tattoos, weird huh?). The tattoo has some biblical or religious theme with a verse above it. Instead of a brief explanation, then a move to a more popular topic, I explain, in great detail I might add, my faith and belief in God.  She looks slightly confused, being that no one else is talking about such a heavy topic, but eventually begins to be genuinely interested in what I'm saying. I don't stumble, I witness to this girl, instead of hitting on her.

So let's talk about the lesson learned. First of all, I have never had a dream about religion or God. I also don't have dreams where I wake up feeling like I have just had an epiphany. Usually, I have crazy dreams about ghosts, monsters, and other abnormal things. I put it all together and came to the conclusion that I was being told to watch what I say. At work, it is easy sometimes to cuss, say lewd things, and to gossip (yes guys gossip, A LOT). This is something most people experience, I think. While I don't necessarily think swearing itself is bad (the intent behind any word is the problem), I realized that others may think it is. What if I was a stumbling block for someone who is trying not to swear? What if I ruined my witness because someone heard me gossiping or swearing and thought I was a fraud? Right or wrong, it's not about whether I think it's wrong, it's about others. I want to be an encouragement to others. I want to be a light in the dark. I don't want to just blend in. Watch what I say, this hit home. The first part of the dream, obviously, was a reference to the crap that comes out of my mouth, and how it is not appealing to God or others. I believe the tattoo was a symbol for the permanent branding I shouldn't be ashamed of, which is being a follower of Christ. The dream also made me realize that I am getting more vocal about my faith. Oh, the things we can learn if we just become perceptive to what God is trying to tell us.